the bottom

This is it.  I've hit the null point.

I'm a complete, utter wreck.  I'm a drunk.  I don't appreciate the people that love me, that care about my well being, that care enough to tell me that they are concerned.  I have no ambition, can't pull myself out of a shitty work situation to find something better.

Everything that I do feels empty, hollow, fake.  It's as though all I do is do things so I can tell other people about what I did.  Nothing seems to have any meaning to me.

I'm a liar, a cheater, a fraud.  I have hurt people that love me, people that have given me chance upon chance upon chance to prove that i might actually be a better person that i actually am.

I have nothing left.  It's a very hard thing to come to understand that I really am as bad of a person as has been said in anger.